Chalk this one up to a really, really bad case of forgetfulness.

According to a June 10 AP story, an Israeli woman bought her elderly mother a new bed as a surprise and threw out the old mattress. It wasn't until the next morning that she found out that her mother had hidden her life savings inside that old mattress -- almost $1 million.

The mattress had already been carried away by garbage collectors, so she went to the landfill and frantically began searching for the mattress with its hidden treasure -- searching among the 2,500 tons of trash that arrives at that landfill each day.

The AP story indicated the woman claimed her money "was in U.S. dollars and Israeli shekels. She refused to say how she acquired such a large sum. 'It was all my money in the world,' she said. There was no way to verify her claims, and she refused to disclose key details. Israeli police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said he was not familiar with the case and no report had been filed."

Now I have nothing against technology or social networking sites or texting. But here's my question...
I am currently enjoying a bag of a particular brand of chocolate that often packages the pieces with a saying or message of some kind inside each morsel's wrapper. I'm first and foremost after the chocolate and so generally ignore the messages, but one caught my eye today. To quote: "Go ahead, have another :-)".
It's a chocolate, not my cell phone or e-mail. Does noboby recognize a smiley-face anymore if it's not turned on its side?

Golfer: "I think I am going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Do you think that my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a five iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually!"

Golfer: "You must be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time."
Caddy: "It's not a watch; it's a compass."

Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good, sir, but personally I prefer golf."

Golfer: "Do you think it is a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it is a sin on any day."

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it is too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

You've probably seen them before, but we just love to read these transcriptions from actual court cases:

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to the deposition notice I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old -- how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family who are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone with whom I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book ... if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, whether it's necessary or not.
11) I will remember my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember I must go to bed sometime ... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

This year, taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. Here is an attempt to explain this plan using the Q & A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV or a new computer, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Reuters new service reports as follows:
Short of gift ideas for that person who really does have everything? Then how about an underwear repair kit or maybe a Barack Obama "Yes, We Can" can opener?
Web site Stupid.com, which claims finding a truly stupid gift is an art form, unveiled its second annual list of the top 10 "stupidest" holiday gifts for 2008.
"2008 might have been a bad year for the economy, but it was a great year for stupidity," said Stupid.com's founder Gary Apple. "Weird products seemed to come out of the woodwork this year. There was almost too much stupidity to choose from!"
Here is New York-based stupid.com's top 10 list for 2008 which is not endorsed by Reuters: (See next page)
(Read More)

So to provide some variety at an early Thanksgiving party, an apple pie was requested. We bought one of those frozen numbers. The packaging on different types of foods can sometimes be interesting to read. Take this pie...

Step 1: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Step 2: Open center hold of pie and cut 4-6 slits in top crust.
Step 3: Remove frozen pie from box and center on a cookie sheet lined with heavy foil.

Um.... If I were to successfully complete step 2, wouldn't I have already completed half of step 3?

Good thing they had those steps numbered!

12 REASONS TO BE THANKFUL YOU BURNT THE BIRD

1. Salmonella won't be a concern.
2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun-blackened.
3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation.
5. Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps.
6. No one will overeat.
7. The smoke alarm was due for a test.
8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
9. You'll get to the desserts more quickly.
10. After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.
11. The less turkey Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
12. You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.

~ Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
~ If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
~ If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
~ Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
~ Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
~ Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
~ Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
~ Why do we sing, "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
~ Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
~ Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
~ Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

The great state of Maryland, in listing out details of its wage and employment laws, states that "Employees of bowling establishments and institutions primarily engaged in the care of the sick, the aged, or individuals with disabilities who reside on the premises (other than hospitals) shall be paid time and one half after 48 hours."

Bowling establishments...???

Usually, people associate theological debates with dry, scripture quoting academics... But not always... Sometimes, all it takes is a church sign saying "All Dogs Go To Heaven"... (Read More)

How does one throw away a trash can?

10. He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.
9. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of 13 cats.
8. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.
7. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.
6. You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.
5. He's fascinated by the details of your home security system.
4. Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings.
3. Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
2. Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
1. No toes.

THINGS TO PONDER

~ I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
~ Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
~ Half the people you know are below average.
~ 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
~ 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
~ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
~ If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
~ The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
~ I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
~ OK, so what's the speed of dark?
~ How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
~ Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
~ When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Let fresh air and the wind in your face be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water, and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, never hold a grudge! Run right back and make friends.
Delight in the joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

The Sheriff of Nottingham usually has to work pretty hard to find Robin Hood... But not today... Today he found 1,116 of them! In fact, all the Robin Hoods (or is that Robins Hood?) converged on Nottingham Castle to beat the world record for people dressed as Robin Hood! And for once, the Sheriff of Nottingham didn't try to arrest any of them... He just counted them...

It all started when the current Nottingham Castle manager, Dave Green, decided to see if he could break the old record of 606 people and also show off the town and its history... "It was all about bringing people together and we have certainly done that," he said... "Nottingham is obviously very proud of Robin Hood and we wanted to show how proud."

Very proud, in fact... The opportunity to be Robin Hood for a day - the only rules were you had to wear hat with a feather, a green or brown tunic and trousers and leather footwear - was enough to attract merry men and women from as far away as Canada and Australia!

"The thing about the Robin Hood record is that anyone can take part," Green added, "everyone is welcome, as long as you are prepared to make a bit of a fool of yourself..."